Getting Along With Difficult People at Work

The articles is about the stress and anxiety caused by office intrigues and having “difficult” co-workers

Keywords:

stress and anxiety, depression

Article Body:

“Last week, my boss hired a “trainee” straight out of college to work in our department. She is young and it really showed in how she behaved. The problem is, this new “co-worker” of mine started acting like a prima donna. She has become manipulative and dominant. Some of my colleagues are complaining behind her back. It was becoming a nightmare for me just being near her. It has even made me think of quitting.”

Dealing with difficult co-workers is one of the leading causes of stress and anxiety. Unresolved...it would make that person even more depressed. There are people can't seem to get ahead in life because of relationships or situations. Our main set-backs is not all of us are taking the necessary steps to cope up with those people who make life unbearable for us at work. The following are just some of the list of behaviors that push our “buttons” in the workplace:

l Criticizing your religious or political beliefs

l Uncooperative

l Absenteeism (with effects the team members)

l Too much gossiping

l Arrogant

l Disrespectful to supervisors or co-workers

l Unfriendly

The ability to get along with people, adapting to their different personalities takes a certain degree of maturity, patience, understanding and it is the basic factor in our workplace survival and no amount of college education will ensure professional behavior. Workplace relationships is as crucial, it can even lead to unhappiness of that person can't get along with everybody or that person makes life miserable for others.

Coping with a troublesome co-worker

One of the biggest challenges of dealing with difficult co-workers is that their behavior can take many forms. If a co-worker is rude or negative it may require a different approach. Here are some general tips on how to cope with difficult co-workers:

l If that co-worker's unpleasant behavior interferes with how you do your job, you must find a way to solve it if is not directly interfering with your job the best way is just ignore it.

l Give your co-worker the benefit of the doubt.

l Speak up! Bring up the problem directly and privately to your co-worker. If the co-worker's problems is that she tends to be such a whiner or gossips continually. Put an end to it by discouraging that person.

l Try it out for yourself if talking to that person will solved the problem if not; that is the perfect time to talk to your manager. Managers generally expect you to work out most of the problems with people who are on your own level. Be sure you tried everything even a trusted mediator before going on a higher level.

Be also aware of your own behavior and work at changing them. Be sure to identify your strengths and weaknesses. You might not change or control the behavior or attitudes of others but you have the power to change yours.

Dealing with Difficult People: 27 Secrets & Strategies You Can Apply Today

27 easy, proven strategies for dealing with difficult people. Guaranteed to work if you look at the part you can control - you! Discover simple tips for how to deal with gossips, whiners, know-it-alls, exploders and more. Whether it's dealing with a difficult boss, dealing with a difficult co-worker or difficult spouse. And, might you be the difficult person?! Oh my!

Keywords:

Dealing with difficult people, difficult people, communication, conflict resolution, communication skills, managing employees, how to deal with difficult people, dealing with difficult boss, difficult co-worker

Article Body:

Copyright 2006 Colleen Kettenhofen

“No one can get your goat if they don’t know where it’s tied up.” Zig Ziglar

1. Listen more effectively. Listening is the number one tool in communication, especially when dealing with difficult people.

2. Step back and analyze the situation from an outside perspective. When we are less emotionally involved and “cool our jets,” the answers come for how to effectively deal with them. Whether dealing with a difficult boss, dealing with a difficult co-worker, or spouse.

3. Ignoring often doesn’t work. The tension becomes so thick you can cut it with a knife.

4. Choose your battles. There are times when you have to “let it go.” Know when to speak up and when to pick your battles.

5. Criticize in person, praise in public. Never publicly criticize someone as you will look like the bad guy and the difficult person will only become more upset.

6. Maintain respect for them – even if you disagree or dislike them. At least acknowledge what they say. Think about how you would want to be treated.

7. Seek first to understand then to be understood, especially when dealing with difficult people.

8. People often won’t care what you think unless they think you care. At least attempt to see it from their perspective.

9. Maintain high expectations and standards if you are managing this employee. If you don’t do this you will be seen as enabling their unacceptable behavior.

10. Strive for greater communication. Often, it’s not that there isn’t enough communication, it’s that it’s bad communication. So work on improving your conflict resolution skills. If you are a manager, consider training everyone in conflict resolution. One of the main reasons teams fail is because some of the people on the team don’t like each other, or aren’t skilled in handling conflict.

11. Invest in communication skills courses and conflict resolution skills courses to improve the part you can control – you.

12. Don’t lose emotional control. Antagonists and “passive-aggressives” will often try to push your buttons.

13. Avoid being around difficult people when they’re in a bad mood. If they’re always in a bad mood, try being around them when they are in a “better” mood!

14. Accept, change or reject. Know that ultimately you only have three choices.
1) Accept the situation knowing it won’t change.
2) Attempt to change your relationship with them by changing how you react.
3) If it’s really affecting your well being, it may be time to “reject” the situation and move on.

15. Avoid "but." No “but’s” allowed! For example, don’t follow giving them positive reinforcement with, “But on the other hand…” The word “but” only negates everything positive you just said.

16. Non-verbally position yourself at their eye level. For example, if they are sitting when you talk with them, sit. If they are standing, stand. Converse at their level.

17. Avoid the word “need” when possible and use “want” instead. Saying politely and tactfully, “John, I want to have the project in to me by noon so that we’ll meet our deadline. “Want” is more assertive as long as it’s in the right tone.

18. Watch your tone of voice. Avoid an autocratic or sarcastic tone. The Latin root of the word “sarcasm” is “sarco” meaning tearing of the flesh!

19. In face-to-face communication, words account for 7% of what people notice and believe about you. Tone is 38% and body language 55%. So a full 93% is tone and body language.

20. Give sincere positive reinforcement when they do something well. Show genuine appreciation. Often difficult people are difficult because they feel unappreciated.

21. Avoid absolutes such as, “You always” and “You never.” It puts difficult people further on the defensive.

22. Don’t take it personally. Often they’re difficult because of something going on with them.

23. Watch your mental state. Don’t let them drag you down. A little of that can be normal but don’t allow it to go on.

24. Remember the person who constantly angers you, or constantly intimidates you, controls you.

25. Mutually agree to move on. Agree to disagree. If this isn’t possible, at least “move on” in your own mind.

26. Attempt to understand what’s driving that difficult behavior. Get at the root cause, even if you only try to figure it out in your own mind.

27. E + R = 0. Event + Reaction = Outcome. You can’t control the event, but you can control the outcome based on how you react or respond. Be careful how you respond.

For example, there’s the story of the couple who were divorcing. A neighbor said to the wife, “Do you think you’d ever get back together?” She replied, “No, because we have said things to each other that are so horrible, that even after apologizing they could never be taken back. There's no way we’d get back together.” The moral of the story…be careful what you say. Once those words are out they’re hard to take back.

“The disease of me often results in the defeat of us.” Pat Riley of NBA fame

Dealing with Your Difficult People

Conflict is part of every organization. How leaders deal with that conflict can produce enemies or motivated teams who embrace change. Learn 8 practical strategies you can use starting today as a leader to turn your most difficult people into team players you value.

Keywords:

conflict, difficult people, bridge building, enemies, selective screening, caring enough to confront, conflict management, change management, resistence, discipline, problem solving, avoidance

Article Body:

For leaders managing constant change, conflict is built into the very fabric of their organizations. When conflict is not dealt with well, it can create strained relationships and grow to sap the time, energy, and productivity of even the best teams. Dealt with positively, conflict can also be a catalyst that sets the stage for needed changes. You will never deal with conflict perfectly, but here are a few tips worth using in dealing with your most difficult people:

1. Talk to people instead of about them. Dealing with conflict directly may be uncomfortable and lead to some disappointment, but it cuts down the mindreading and the resentment that can occur when problems are not dealt with directly. Timing, tact, and taking distance will always have their place, but make sure you still keep conflict eyeball to eyeball.

2. We are taught from childhood to avoid conflict and often vacillate between the pain of dealing with unresolved problems and the guilt over not dealing with them. Such vacillation saps energy and time; it can affect morale and turnover. Be a problem solver not a problem evader. Problem solvers avoid avoidance; they learn to deal with conflict as soon as it even begins to get in the way.

3. Develop a communication style that focuses on future problem solving rather than getting stuck in proving a conviction for past mistakes. You want change, not just an admission of guilt. Winners of arguments never always win, because consistent losers never forget. You want results, not enemies seeking revenge. By focusing on future problem solving, both can save face.

4. Problem solvers deal with issues, not personalities. It’s all too easy to abuse the other party instead of dealing with issues. Be assertive but affirm the rights of others to have different positions, values and priorities. When you personalize disagreements and attack back, you invite escalation. Keep the focus on mutual problem solving not name-calling.

5. Honor, surface and use resistance. Attempts at threatening, silencing or otherwise avoiding criticism of change will only force resistance underground and increase the sabotaging of even necessary changes. Explored resistance helps build clarity of focus and action. Push for specific suggestions. If criticism is extensive and continues even after facing it, it may not be resistance—know when to admit that you are wrong!

6. Redefine caring to include caring enough to confront on a timely and consistent basis. Avoid labels that give you or others excuses for not confronting a problem—They are too sensitive or too nice, scene makers or people who have contacts, too old or too young, or the wrong race or gender. If you believe people cannot change or benefit from feedback, you will tend not to confront them. Instead, treat all equally by caring enough to be firm, fair, and consistent.

7. Avoid forming “enemy” relationships. The subtle art of influence is often lost in the heat of organizational battle. When interaction becomes strained or bias exists, the negative interaction coupled with the distance that often results invites selective scanning and projection. We see what we want to see to keep our enemies “the enemy.” If a relationship is limited to polite indifference and significant negative interaction, expect polarization and an “enemy” relationship. In such relationships everyone loses. Take seriously the words of Confucius, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” Even your most difficult people usually have some people they work well with. Make one of those people you. Don’t look for the worst; learn to look for the best in even difficult people.

8. Invest time building positive bridges to your difficult people. Abraham Lincoln reportedly said, “I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.” Don't be insincere; look for ways to be sincere. It takes a history of positive contact to build trust. Try building a four-to-one positive to negative contact history. Give specific recognition and ask for assistance in the areas you respect their opinions. Work together on a common cause and search for areas of common ground. By being a positive bridge builder, you build a reputation all will see and come to respect even if a few difficult people never respond.

Finally, don’t forget to spend some time looking in a mirror. Ron Zemke put it well when he said, “If you find that everywhere you go you're always surrounded by jerks and you're constantly being forced to strike back at them or correct their behavior, guess what? You're a jerk.” Influencing others starts by making sure that you’re not being difficult yourself.

Copyright © 2006 by Terry Paulson, All Rights Reserved